Category: AltPorn Updates
Burning Angel: Kylee & Kurt Make With The Tongue Action
MelisandeAugust 31, 2006
Isn’t it precious when people with lots of tattoos make out? Burning Angel writes: Kylee and Kurt, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G…no great love here, but...
NoFauxxx: Mr. Paisley Digs Nude BMXing
MelisandeAugust 30, 2006
NOTE: Mr. Paisley is a trained professional. Please do not attempt nude BMXing at home. NoFauxxx writes: Meet Mr. Paisley, NoFauxxx‘s newest model, and learn the...
SpookyBlog: Stuffed Animals And The Candy Ravers That Love Them
MelisandeAugust 30, 2006
Don’t get me wrong, I am all about stuffed animals. But I don’t take them to raves. And I certainly don’t get naked and kiss them in public....
BlueBlood: Justine Joli Prefers Oversized T-Shirts
MelisandeAugust 29, 2006
I would like to state for the record that I am totally in love with Justine’s labia minora after seeing this photoset. Why doesn’t mine look as pretty as...
Nerdpr0n: Fire. Wire.
MelisandeAugust 29, 2006
Naughty girls like Anna Logue need their nipples bound by USB A-to-B cables! And how sad am I for trying to identify all the different types of cables in the nest...
BlueBlood: Do You Have An Oral Fixation?
MelisandeAugust 28, 2006
Scar 13’s hookah method is unstoppable. Also, it in no way shape or form involves panties.
RazorDolls: Vivian Viva will cane your ass
EdRothAugust 28, 2006
Canes are the hot new thing in altporn, man. All the cool kids have them. Of course, I like my girls nerdy, so it’s good that Vivian’s a super-hot nerd too....
BlueBlood: Superna Spices Up Any Decor
MelisandeAugust 27, 2006
How do you make a brick wall less boring? Have Superna pose in front of it, of course! Her peacock halter definitely de-bores any surroundings.
SpookyBlog: Sexy Raver Girls Love Their Glowsticks!
EdRothAugust 27, 2006
Jamie, there are a lot of things I like about your picture here: You have cute little panties You’re all hot and stuff Your nipples are pierced I think your...
Burning Angel: Angelina Reorganizes Your Office
MelisandeAugust 26, 2006
Angelina would make for a very interesting Franklin Covey catalog girl, don’t you think? Burning Angel writes: Angelina gets turned on by disorganized offices....
Burning Angel: Daphne Will Be Your Little Monkey
MelisandeAugust 25, 2006
Sock monkey alt.porn is a woefully underrepresented niche market. Thank goodness Daphne’s doing something about it! Burning Angel writes: Daphne‘s all ready...
BlueBlood: Rooftop Party Time!
MelisandeAugust 23, 2006
I enjoy hanging out on rooftops and smoking cigarettes. It makes me feel mysterious and powerful. Nina Sin enjoys doing the same thing, except she likes to whip...
Burning Angel: Crossing Guard Refuses To Wear Pants
MelisandeAugust 23, 2006
How embarrassing! Jolie forgot her stop sign AND her pants! The parent-teacher association is certainly going to hear about this! Burning Angel writes: Check out Jolie!...
BlueBlood: Bath Time With Yolanda
MelisandeAugust 22, 2006
Well hello there, Yolanda. Would you like some handmade soap for your bath? Or maybe scented salts? Perhaps a Bill O’Reilly-free loofah would please you? By the...
Burning Angel: Bushels Of Ass
MelisandeAugust 22, 2006
How can you not make a corny pun when talking about Apples? You know, bushels of apples? Get it? Uh … *carcrash* Burning Angel writes: Check out our newest angel,...
BlueBlood: Look Honey, Orange Lingerie!
MelisandeAugust 21, 2006
I don’t really see orange lingerie everyday. In fact, I don’t generally see it at all. So why not have Erica model some for us?
Nerdpr0n: OMFG, MacBook Pr0n
MelisandeAugust 21, 2006
You know what? FUCK playing Oregon Trail on an Apple II emulator. Especially since Anna’s got a new MacBook! Holy shit! I want a cap of her iSight stream! Someone...
BlueBlood: Ariel X Abides No Cheap-Ass Floor Lamps
MelisandeAugust 20, 2006
She is avant garde with regards to her light sources. No frilly lampshades needed here; only the finest in fluorescent tubes for this lady!
CyberDyke: Yay, More Of The Lesbionics!
MelisandeAugust 20, 2006
Dara and Misha are still going at it. That’s what I call staying power! CyberDyke writes: Sappho’s Girls Cyber-Dyke–porn for women, by women!Click here...
BlueBlood: Anastasia Gets The Naughty Chair
MelisandeAugust 19, 2006
Bad girls get the nipple clamps and the butt plugs! Them’s the rules.
CyberDyke: Nude Dancing Allowed Here
MelisandeAugust 19, 2006
If only more dance programs encouraged the lesbionics! Merce Cunningham Dance Company performances would get a hell of a lot more entertaning, that’s for sure....
BlueBlood: Restricted In Red
MelisandeAugust 18, 2006
Ribbed–for your pleasure! Of course, it’s a total bitch to breathe, and the corset leaves marks on your skin, but what’s a little suffering when you...
Burning Angel: Tortured Hipsters Always Wear Pink Belts
MelisandeAugust 18, 2006
Paging Blue States Lose, paging Blue States Lose, please pick up the white courtesy phone. Burning Angel writes: January came by NYC the other day and caused a storm...
BlueBlood: Black Rubber And Big Boobs
MelisandeAugust 17, 2006
Also included: big lips, silver dollar nipples and bangin’ hips. In conclusion: boobs.
RazorDolls: Hay Guys, Who Wants A Threesome?
MelisandeAugust 17, 2006
Sometimes you just have to pick up a girl and rail her on a flower print bedspread while another girl grabs her tits. Threesomes: it’s what’s for dinner!...
BlueBlood: Erica The Red House Painter
MelisandeAugust 16, 2006
I expect a negative number of people to get the obscurely obvious band reference in the title of this post. And no, I’m not talking about the Viking metal album...
SpookyBlog: Buy Voltaire A Beer!
MelisandeAugust 16, 2006
I would love to watch Voltaire drink beer but I’m way too intimidated by her full-body art to ask her if I can tag along to the nearest dive bar. I’d pick up...
BlueBlood: I’m Captivated By Xanthia’s Gazongas
MelisandeAugust 15, 2006
I’m also captivated by Xanthia’s eye makeup and dyed eyebrows. But mostly I’m captivated by her tits.
InkyGirls: Do You Need Discipline?
MelisandeAugust 15, 2006
Zoie’s taste in old-school wall mirrors and other home furnishings is impeccable. Why would one want to paddle a girl into little tealight candles on wall shelves?...
Burning Angel: Morgan Models The Latest In Brassieres And Bullet Belts
MelisandeAugust 14, 2006
Morgan proves you can find everything for your fall fashion wardrobe at a lingerie shop and an Army-Navy surplus store. Burning Angel writes: I once had a bullet belt,...
BlueBlood: Alsana Feeds On The Blood Of Internet Nerds
MelisandeAugust 14, 2006
Obviously, Alsana’s table manners would scandalize the hoi polloi.
Nerdpr0n: Reading In Fishnets Is Fundamental
MelisandeAugust 13, 2006
When reading Robert Anton Wilson, one should take care to wear appropriate clothing. Anna Logue is a perfect example of this. She celebrates the joy of reading! Nerdpr0n...
SpookyBlog: Just You and Me, Blue Haired Girl
MelisandeAugust 13, 2006
I know a girl who is almost a dead ringer for Agent Aeon, expect not so much with the blue hair and lip piercing. Do I tell her she’s got a Goth doppleganger? What...
CyberDyke: Dinner Is Served Al Fresco, In Stockings
MelisandeAugust 12, 2006
I love girls who aren’t afraid to use their hands. Or their dildos. CyberDyke writes: Sappho’s Girls Cyber-Dyke–porn for women, by women! Click here...
Burning Angel: Greets To Riley Mason!
MelisandeAugust 12, 2006
This just in from the altporn.net Situation Room: Riley continues to be adorable. Burning Angel writes: I get like, at least 20 emails a day requesting Riley...
Burning Angel: Group Hug Time!
MelisandeAugust 11, 2006
Check it–Burning Angels like to party and have a good time, just like the rest of us! I’d love to be their MySpace friends. What great photo albums they must...
Burning Angel: Turtle Power … In My Pants
MelisandeAugust 11, 2006
Here’s a comic fanboy nerd’s wet dream–a girl in bra and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles panties! I’m pretty sure those comics she’s lying on...
RazorDolls: I Wanna Have Sex With Eddie Van Halen’s Guitar
MelisandeAugust 10, 2006
Huh uh uh, he said “Flying V.” RazorDolls writes: Now whens the last time you walked into a guitar shop and saw a naked Babe stradling a Flying V, and...
Nerdpr0n: I Make Passes At Girls With Glasses
MelisandeAugust 4, 2006
This is what I like to believe Anna is thinking when this photo was taken: What is this? A big bulge in the pants? I must investigate using all my intellectual powers...
CyberDyke: Veronika Strikes A Pose
MelisandeAugust 4, 2006
I would proudly display a statue of this Veronika pose in my foyer. Of course, if Veronika herself wanted to pose in my foyer, I certainly wouldn’t say no!...
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