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AltPorn Awards 2011: Best AltPorn Novelty/Toy Nominees

AltPorn — Tue, 10 May 2011 00:02:52 +0000

The official APN 2011 AltPorn Awards nominees for Best AltPorn Novelty/Toy of 2010 are:

– I Rub My Duckie Travel Size Bondage Fashionista
– Joanna Angel Blow Up Doll
– Pirates Jeweled Tattoo Vibrator
– RocksOff 100mm Soft Tip
– Stoya’s Deep Sea Adventure Rabbit

GodsGirls: Josepha Pirate Princess

BedaHoydenish — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 15:03:04 +0000

This GodsGirls set is called Pirate Princess and it marks glorious Josepha‘s 23rd appearance on the site. I don’t know how they managed to post this just after Talk Like a Pirate Day, instead of just before. But, yaaahrrrrr, those are the breaks and a bottle ‘o rum.

GodsGirls writes:

youre the winner.

AltPorn: Talk Like a Pirate Day

KittyTwo — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 02:06:24 +0000

It is too bad Talk Like a Pirate Day falls on a weekend this year. I’m going to a pirate-themed party tonight, but most offline people do not celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day, so I have been missing my fill of pirate speak. It seems like most of my favorite sites didn’t do pirate updates for the occasion this year, even if they did when it fell on a weekday in previous years. Fortunately, I was able to dig back a little and find pirates from BlueBlood, BurningAngel, and GodsGirls. BlueBlood has pirate Lenka brandishing a musket and Lenka has a cute fuzzy real live monkey assistant. Not only is using a real monkey pretty brave, but getting pirates and monkeys in the same update is like some kind of internet double word score meme. BurningAngel has pirate Nova making use of James Deen while he is dead out fast asleep. There used to be a lot of sleep “attack” sites, but I hear a lot of them just got closed down because the credit card people have all apparently never been woken up for sex by anyone they dated and think it’s baaaaaaad. BurningAngel for the win for still having sleep sex and pirates. GodsGirls has pirate Julene brandishing a musket with a skull on her ass and gold coins fall from the sky. Enough said.

Pirate Translator writes:

My thoughts through the pirate translater: Arrr, altporn: Talk Like a Pirate Day. It is too bad Talk Like a Pirate Day falls on a weekend this year. I’m goin’ t’ a pirate-themed party tonight, but most offline people do not celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day, so I have been missin’ my fill o’ pirate speak. It seems like most o’ my fa’orite sites didn’t do pirate updates for the occasion this year, e’en if they did when it fell on a weekday in pre’ious years. Fortunately, I was able t’ dig back a little and find pirates from Blueblood, Burnin’angel, and GodsGirls. Blueblood has pirate Lenka brandishin’ a musket and Lenka has a cute fuzzy real li’e monkey assistant. Not only is usin’ a real monkey pretty bra’e, but gettin’ pirates and monkeys in the same update is like some kind o’ internet double word score meme. Burnin’angel has pirate No’a makin’ use o’ James Deen while he is dead out fast asleep. Thar used t’ be a lot o’ sleep “attack” sites, but Me hear a lot o’ them just got closed down because the credit card people have all apparently ne’er been woken up for sex by anyone they dated and thin’ tis’ baaaaaaad. Burnin’angel for the win for still ha’in’ sleep sex and pirates. GodsGirls has pirate Julene brandishin’ a musket with a skull on her ass and gold coins fall from the sky. Enough said. Gar, Where can I find a bottle o’rum?

DigitalPlayground: Pirates Sequel

Cutter — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 19:08:26 +0000

I know it’s not super ALT but this is the coolest porn production evar. The styling is amazing and it features some of our favorite proper porn stars like BellaDonna, Sasha Grey, Stoya, and a lot more. Set to be released this September, visionary director and DigitalPlayground founder Joone promises that Pirates II wll be much darker than the original and that they spared no expense in production. The original Pirates was the most expensive adult film ever produced and Pirates II is reported to have had a budget ten times larger. Much of the production costs going towards insane special effects, but by the looks of it, great costuming and cool locations were a high priority as well. Breaking with the traditionally cheesy halloweenish costuming the aduld industry is known for, the styling of the Pirates series, particularly what we’ve seen of the new one, has a compellingly realistic pirate feel which certainly helps maintain the blockbuster movie experience. Sasha Grey describes the special atmosphere that surrounded the production: “There was always sexual energy on set. My sex scene with Evan Stone and BellaDonna was amazing! We all wanted to [fuck]; we were all horny. It was what pornography should be—flawless and unforgiving in every sense! This was definitely an exhilarating, filthy sex scene from the three of us. It was definitely one of the best scenes of my career!” Check out the fun teaser here. Joone really pushes the envelope and is in our opinion one of the best influences the otherwise stagnant adult video industry could have. I want to see this at an IMAX though.

BlueBlood: More Talk Like a Pirate Day

Truant — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 15:40:34 +0000

BlueBlood also sent out sexy Talk Like a Pirate Day greetings and what a treasure this one is. Getting to see more sexy Jen Vixen is always a treat. I love her beautiful tattoo work and that corset looks amazing on her too. They actually did a whole free gallery and news blog article in celebration. Check it out.

SpookyBlog writes:

The people, who bring us all Blue Blood’s GothicSluts, BarelyEvil, RubberDollies, Scar13 and more, just sent us their best tattooed and corseted wishes for a Happy International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Avast! I would not mind being boarded by Halloween Jen Vixen here, matey!

RazorDolls: Roxy Contin: Pirate Booty

Truant — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 04:25:09 +0000

Arrrrrr! In the never ending battle between ninjas and pirates, I think we at APN are falling on the pirate side. After all, we really are colorful often drunken rebels in search of fine booty and implausible tales of adventure. So, we raise our tankards to Razordolls for bringing us more pictures of another of our favorite motley scallywags.

RazorDolls writes:

Say hello to miss Roxy Contin, the newest member of the Razordolls family. Shes got a bit of a crazy streak in her, but thats just how we like em! Come check out her hot new Pirate set, and fall in love with a different kind of “booty”

Nerdpr0n: pirates vs. ninjas

Truant — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 01:40:15 +0000

Ah, the age old question. It’s like dork Zen. Personally, I lean a bit toward the pirate side, but ultimately I think one should strive to be a true pirate ninja hybrid. Maybe that’s what Anna and Gala are trying to create together in this recent fun and comical Nerdpr0n update.

Nerdpr0n writes:

I was just sitting on the deck, drinking my grog when all of a sudden a ninja* sneaks up on me! After a pitched battle, I rip off the ninja’s mask and discover a hot chick…and then I think we can all guess what happens after that. I guess ninjas and pirates do get along! Sometimes. When boobies are involved.

*played by Gala… I mean, a real live ninja!

Burning Angel: Neon Neon Neon

EdRoth — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 18:52:49 +0000

This set has the word “ninja” attached to it, but she clearly has pirate titties. I don’t get it.

Burning Angel writes:

No matter what Neon does, what she wears, where she moves to, or what color she dies her hair she manages to remain consistently smoking hot. In this ridiculous unpredictable chaotic life we live in, it’s nice to have something stable you can always count on.

Neon and your lovely boobs, thank you for balancing out the entropy in the universe.