Pov Punx 5 – Burning Angel Entertainment

Pov Punx 5
Studio: Burning Angel Entertainment
Director: Joanna Angel
Starring: James Deen, Kylee Kross, Katie St. Ives, Krysta Kaos, Shay Ryan, Moretta, Indigo Augustine, Ana Diego

• – Inkd Vol1
• – Joanna Angel AssFucked
• – Freaky Punk Ass
• – Eat Me Out
• – Kick Ass Chicks #91 – Alt Chicks
• – Pov Punx 5
• – Lesbian Spotlight – Cadence St. John
• – My Favorite Emo Sluts
• – The 3-Way
• – Cumtastic CookOut

Inkd Vol1
Studio: Dirty Diablos
Director: D. Sanchez
Starring: Sergio, Paul, Tony Rubino, Amy Brooke, Carlo Carrera, Indigo Augustine, Jamie Valentine, Gina Hawk

Joanna Angel AssFucked
Studio: Burning Angel Entertainment
Director: Joanna Angel
Starring: Steve Holmes, Mr. Pete, John Strong, Manuel Ferrara, Mick Blue, Joanna Angel, James Deen, Mason Moore

Freaky Punk Ass
Studio: Home Made Canada
Director: Ryan Morel
Starring: Kream, Dave XXX, Vandal Vyxen, Eva Luxuria, Sindy Foxx, Lily Douce, Sassy Meli, Anthony Woods

Eat Me Out
Studio: Burning Angel Entertainment
Director: Joanna Angel
Starring: Sinn Sage, Ladie Lane, Kelly Chaos, Sally Sparrow, Eden Von Sleaze, Lily LaBeau, Jiz Lee, Lexi Belle, Annie Cruz, Taurus

Kick Ass Chicks #91 – Alt Chicks
Studio: Kick Ass
Starring: Rachel Rotten, Miss Kitty, Proxy Paige, Cherry Torn, Coco Velvett, Andy San Dimas, Scarlett Pain, Jandi Lin, Scar, Jade-Blue Eclipse, Emma Mae

Pov Punx 5
Studio: Burning Angel Entertainment
Director: Joanna Angel
Starring: James Deen, Kylee Kross, Katie St. Ives, Krysta Kaos, Shay Ryan, Moretta, Indigo Augustine, Ana Diego

Lesbian Spotlight – Cadence St. John
Studio: Abigail Productions
Starring: Annie Cruz, Charley Chase, Cadence St. John, Sea J. Raw, Phoenix Askani, Jamey Janes

My Favorite Emo Sluts
Studio: Burning Angel Entertainment
Director: Joanna Angel
Starring: Mr. Pete, Phoenix Askani, Moretta Coxxx, Sailor Vega, Skin, Violet Monroe, Tommy Pistol, Mick Blue, Kris Slater, Chad Alva

The 3-Way
Studio: Vivid Premium
Director: David Stanley
Starring: Jada Fire, Anthony Rosano, Barry Scott, Tommy Pistol, Mason Moore, Brooklyn Lee, Xander Corvus, Skin Diamond, Asphyxia Noir

Cumtastic CookOut
Studio: Burning Angel Entertainment
Director: Joanna Angel
Starring: Joanna Angel, Asphyxia, Brittany Lynn, Gabriella, Miss Genocide

Burning Angel writes:

Because I like Fridays and you like Fridays, I am presenting you with this lovely set of miss Kylee Kross today, Friday, August 26th, 2011…because…well…everyone likes Kylee too! She’s, um, scrumptious! And I’ve missed her naked body all over my website. So yeah, just brushing up on my Kylee wack-off pics this weekend. And you can all do the same.

One thing that stuck out to me, and I feel this is fair for APN to point out due to the amount of respect tattoo artists demand for their culture and line of work, is the intro Sean wrote. “The beginning of Alt porn on the Internet…can’t really be specified. Some credit sites like Gothicsluts and Supercult as inventing the genre, more or less, while others don’t consider the alternative porno boom to have really begun until SuicideGirls” Actually, it can be specified. I wouldn’t walk into a tattoo shop and claim that the history of tattoos can’t be specified, but I’m pretty sure Kat Von D really invented it because she’s got a popular show on the television.

Supercult and SuicideGirls actually both started at the same time, September of 2001. Blue Blood, which has been publishing naked tattooed purple haired alternative people having sex since 1992, launched their Gothicsluts and BarelyEvil sites on the internet in 1999 to handle the overflow from their magazine, which was also the same time EroticBPM launched as their original name RaverPorn. I only point this out because of all the lectures I’ve had to sit through from proud tattooists correcting someone whenever they might not know some obscure detail about the tattoo world. I’ll step off my soap box now.

The interview is otherwise good and the pictures of Joanna and Kylee from the set of Bartenders are really hot and Prickmag.com has their whole issue available for free online in a nicely navigable electronic format, so go check it out.

Read the full article at Prickmag.com for free.

Blue Blood

What’s that you say? You watch porn for the sex?! You want to look at hot girls fucking in interesting ways, and maybe just relax for ten minutes and jerk off all over yourself? Yeah, me too! Unfortunately I guess that no one told Joanna Angel, the director and star of this movie, because she has some very strange ideas about what should be included in an adult movie. And how to film one. The sex here, what there is of it, is lifeless and dull, and the cinematography and lighting are fairly terrible and often utterly counterproductive and frustrating. If there is one thing that a porno should not be, it’s frustrating.

This disc starts off with several ads that cannot be skipped past, rather than going directly to the main menu. I really hate that, because it shows a clear lack of understanding the wants and needs of the viewer. After watching the entire disc, I now understand why this was done: Either Joanna Angel has no idea what anyone wants out of a porn movie, or I am not in her imaginary target audience of girls who shop at Hot Topic and consider that to be the most extreme hardcore Punk statement humanly possible. Those girls do exist, of course, but they don’t watch porn because they’re all too busy actually fucking!

After finally starting the actual movie, I discover, much to my horror, that this porno has a plot! Much like a Japanese giant monster movie, porn should be all action! No plot is necessary or wanted. It only gets in the way. And as I waited for the sex to start, I noticed the soundtrack: a poppy Rancid song. This is indicative of the entire delusional nature of this film. It wants desperately to be “alternative” but somehow respectable, and perhaps “safe,” at the same time, and ends up being just as mainstream, if not moreso, than anything Vivid, for example, has ever released. Thankfully without the condoms, at least.

Eight minutes in and the first sex scene finally starts. I had hoped that “alt.porn” would mean more than just how the girls are dressed, what color their hair is, and how many tattoos they have — not that any of them, other than Kylee Kross, even have any more than the average porn star. I didn’t think that this would be Hellfire Sex, but I assumed that it would have a less-mainstream (for porn, I mean) attitude than this, if nothing else.

The women here here are all mind-numbingly hot. Let me at least give that one compliment. Pixie Pearl is nearly enough to make my eyes catch fire and my brain melt down. She’s absolutely the hottest girl on the disc, and it’s kind of funny to see her rosary dangling down while she’s getting softly plowed and trying not to look too bored with it all. It should be noted that the sex is never the best or most interesting parts of this film, and is often shot from more or less the women’s POV. Perhaps some women watch porn, and I love all of you who do and want you to come over so we can watch together, but let’s face reality, it’s going to be mostly guys watching this, trying their best to rub one out, so give us a break with the horrible cinematography.

In another insane scene Joanna is dancing to some unimaginably shitty pop/boy-band song, I guess, and her preppy, jock, douchebag boyfriend shows up to dump her for being — and I quote — “too alt.” Holy hell, that’s the lamest thing I’ve heard all year. And rather than tell him to go fuck that skank from the Black Eyed Peas, and being happy that such an idiot is gone, she starts crying. Who the fuck is the target audience of this video? Maybe it really is for mallcore girls? Not a bad idea! Any such gals (or any others, 18 and up, please) who want to make a far better porn than this one, simply email me at Darkseid@altporn.net. At least I’d have good lighting.

Unlike the other actresses, Joanna Angel tries to make her own poorly-lit, badly-filmed sex scenes somewhat energetic, but the standard positions and her wild overacting almost always make things more funny than hot. And no amount of screaming or flailing her head around in hilarious ways seems to be able to conquer the boring, am-I-doing-this-right? kind of vibe that permeates every second of the movie.

This DVD has an audio commentary track, and I find that conceptually repulsive in this context, and thus refuse to listen to it. There is also some bonus “behind the scenes” making-of footage as well as outtakes from the car/bike chase scene (yes, there really is one, and it’s as lame as it is lengthy). You see, these people think that this is a mainstream action film that just happens to have sex in it. As if anyone would want to see such a half-assed creation. They seem to be playing at being deviant while still trying very hard to not venture out of the mainstream except in the most acceptable and accessible ways possible.

Burning Angel writes:

Isn’t there a song about polka-dot bikini’s? How does it go again? I can’t remember. Just go check Kylee out, because… well… she’s Kylee.