GodsGirls writes:

Julene and Stoya, wrestling in the mud. I think that’s descriptive enough.

Pirate Translator writes:

My thoughts through the pirate translater: Arrr, altporn: Talk Like a Pirate Day. It is too bad Talk Like a Pirate Day falls on a weekend this year. I’m goin’ t’ a pirate-themed party tonight, but most offline people do not celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day, so I have been missin’ my fill o’ pirate speak. It seems like most o’ my fa’orite sites didn’t do pirate updates for the occasion this year, e’en if they did when it fell on a weekday in pre’ious years. Fortunately, I was able t’ dig back a little and find pirates from Blueblood, Burnin’angel, and GodsGirls. Blueblood has pirate Lenka brandishin’ a musket and Lenka has a cute fuzzy real li’e monkey assistant. Not only is usin’ a real monkey pretty bra’e, but gettin’ pirates and monkeys in the same update is like some kind o’ internet double word score meme. Burnin’angel has pirate No’a makin’ use o’ James Deen while he is dead out fast asleep. Thar used t’ be a lot o’ sleep “attack” sites, but Me hear a lot o’ them just got closed down because the credit card people have all apparently ne’er been woken up for sex by anyone they dated and thin’ tis’ baaaaaaad. Burnin’angel for the win for still ha’in’ sleep sex and pirates. GodsGirls has pirate Julene brandishin’ a musket with a skull on her ass and gold coins fall from the sky. Enough said. Gar, Where can I find a bottle o’rum?