This past month has seen some very exciting new releases in the AltPorn genre, featuring a great collection of our favorite performers. Here are the top new titles we’re really enjoying. First, there is the epic 4+ hour long QuarantInked, from AltErotic. The concept is all about how some of your favorite porn people have been spending their quarantine time, doing the sexy things they do. This is both hot and shot with a good sense of humor. Plus, it features SO MANY great performers! Next up, it looks like Burning Angel has been keeping busy, as they have TWO very hot new releases, Vicious Beauties and Backseat Driving School. I like that Vicious Beauties has a bit more of a focus on character/acting as a bunch of these vixens get to play devious scheming dramatic characters. And, Backseat Driving School is just a silly fun classroom/self-parody with some very hot scenes. Getting to see Joanna Angel doing a sexy bi-sexual scene with Dante Colle and Lance Hart is a real highlight worth checking out. AdultEmpire is also running a VOD sale if you want to check out some of these scenes individually for 30% off!

QuarantInked

Starring:
Sabien DeMonia, Amber Luke, Evilyn Ink, Tiger Lilly, Arielle Aquinas, Natasha Grey, Leya Falcon, Megan Inky, Katerina Kalista

Studio: AltErotic
Categories: Alt Girls, Anal, Bathroom, Big Boobs, Big Cocks, Gonzo, Masturbation, Sex Toy Play, Tattoos, Webcam Girls

In early 2020 the World came to a screeching halt! COVID-19 pandemic spread across the land like wildfire. The entire planet was f-rced to self-Quarantine. Even the hot and horny tattooed models all over the World! Alt Erotic stepped up to help these Inked Up beauties! QuarantINKED was created for the cure of boredom and sexual deprivation for Planet Earth. Alt Models across the Globe pulled off their panties and self-shot videos for the World to see. This is their story, shot by them for all of our lonely horny nights!

Sabien DeMonia

Amber Luke

Evilyn Ink

Tiger Lilly

Arielle Aquinas

Natasha Grey

Leya Falcon

Megan Inky

Evilyn Ink & Sacha Ink

Backseat Driving School

Starring: Aiden Ashley, Joanna Angel, Dante Colle, Rocky Emerson, Charlotte Sartre, Quinton James, Lance Hart

Studio: Burning Angel
Director: Joanna Angel
Categories: 18+ Schoolgirls, Big Boobs, Big Cocks, Blowjobs, Directed by Women, Feature, Gonzo, Pantyhose & Stockings, Shaved, Squirting, Tattoos, Teachers

The teacher, Joanna Angel, kicks off the first class, although no one seems too excited to be there. But NO one’s less excited than Rocky Emerson, who’s already had to go to this traffic school once before. Traffic school continues as teacher Joanna Angel asks the class to tell her something that all their car accidents had in common. As various students in the class speak, one of them, Aiden Ashley, is so bored and horny, that she starts playing with her pussy under the desk. Traffic school student Quinton James is at home using some toy cars to practice for a test when fellow student Charlotte Sartre pays him a surprise visit. It’s a somber day at Joanna Angel’s traffic school. With a heavy heart, Joanna announces that two of her students have died in a tragic road-head related car accident. Adding to her pain, Joanna notices that only two students have shown up to class that day – Dante Colle and Lance Hart.

Rocky Emerson & Quinton James

Aiden Ashley & Dante Colle

Charlotte Sartre & Quinton James

Joanna Angel & Dante Colle & Lance Hart

Vicious Beauties

Starring: Kristen Scott, Ivy Lebelle, Isiah Maxwell, Joanna Angel , Xander Corvus, Carmen Caliente, Small Hands, Donny Sins, Taurus

Studio: Burning Angel
Director: Joanna Angel
Categories: Alt Girls, Big Boobs, Big Cocks, Blowjobs, Couples, Creampie, Directed by Women, Fingering, Gonzo, Goth Girls, Rimming, Tattoos

After Aaron’s mother’s funeral, Joanna’s sister Ivy Lebelle showed up uninvited, or so he thought. Turns out the two gold diggers were trying to steal his inheritance. Taurus is feeling horny and unsatisfied. She couldn’t flick her bean quite right, so she ordered Donny Sins’ dong on demand. Things got weird when Donny’s driver Isiah Maxwell showed up thinking he was part of the deal. Brunette teen dream Kristen Scott goes goth while lusting after a hardcore pump and a creampie in her honeypot. We showered her in rose petals because filling a lady with jizz after you piledrive and facefuck her is a romantic occasion. After a hot and heavy year long e-relationship, internet girlfriends Joanna Angel and Carmen Caliente finally decided to meet IRL. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other for long and launched into a lesbian sexfest full of titty sucking, fingerbanging, pussy and ass licking fun.

Ivy Lebelle & Small Hands

Taurus & Donny Sins & Isiah Maxwell

Xander Corvus & Kristen Scott

Joanna Angel & Carmen Caliente

Cheating With A Tattooed Wife 2

Starring: Charlotte Sartre, Janey Doe, Jessie Lee, and Penny Archer
Studio: Raw Attack (2020)

Some women aren’t made to be traditional, clean-cut & faithful wives. Certainly not these hotties, with their sleeves and skin art begging for your attention. Four inked up women, Penny Archer, Janey Doe, Charlotte Sartre and Jessie Lee all want you to take a closer look, up close and personal! Playful flirtation turns into hot fucking in no time when you’re as confident as these ladies.

Penny Archer

Charlotte Sartre

Janey Doe

Jessie Lee

Turning Twistys 6

Starring: Emma Hix, Jenna Foxx, Joanna Angel, Jewelz Blu, Liv Wild, Sabina Rouge, and Aubree Valentine
Studio: Twistys (2021)

Straight girls being turned into experienced lesbians

Joanna Angel and Emma Hix

Jewelz Blu and Aubree Valentine

Joanna Angel and Jenna Foxx

Perv City’s Department Of Double Penetration Vol. 3

Starring: London River, Addison Lee, Luna Lovely, and Lola Fae
Studio: Perv City (2021)

Welcome to Perv City’s Department Of Double Penetration where no hole is left unfilled!

Lola Fae

Luna Lovely

While she’s bouncing on that huge member, what should be going through her head is “I sure proved that I’m better than those groupies!” because, by God, the more her hips gyrate, the more my head does as well. Her blushing innocent cheeks at first, and her cum-splattered tongue mere minutes later make me grateful for all the times Xander dodged practice. She takes it in her ass like a champ and Burning Angel is lucky to have her.

The first dick goes in her mouth after she is forced up off of the couch with a hand around her throat. Rachel drops to her knees and is traded back and forth, having her beautiful face fucked by one cock and then the other, over and over again. She said that she wanted it rough and these men are not disappointing. First, she gets fucked by one while the other gags her with his cock, and then she is very roughly spun around and spit roasted the opposite way.

They continue trading her back and forth in different positions until the ravenous girl got what she wanted, a cock deep in her asshole. Before long, she is completely filled with both cocks, and the only word that she is able to utter is “Yes!” with every thrust.

All that’s left is the grand finale, as Rachel goes back down to her knees to get her face and mouth covered in two thick loads of cum.

BurningAngel definitely knows how to make their fandom want to come up with new and exciting ways to have sex after watching their updates, especially if it involves deepthroating, slapping and jackhammer-induced squirting.

The little pony-girl Anna De Ville is tied up and handled not-so-much with care by her latex-wearing mistress Joanna Angel. Anna De Ville‘s a notorious sub but this video truly showcases just how well she can behave for this master and mistress couple. As the minutes go by the video turns into a full-blown threesome full of fucking, pussy licking and anal play. Both girls are hungry for cock, demanding to be pounded more and harder.

This one deserves a special place in your BDSM collection.

Packed with pussy licking, deep throat gagging, and ass fingering action, this clip will surely make you wish that you were MrPete. From missionary and doggystyle to cowgirl and reverse cowgirl positions, RizzoFord a.k.a. StreetPunxxx is definitely an ideal punk to fuck.

Here’s a quick peek of the action:

I was hoping that the sex scenes would highlight their fantasies and “empowerment”, but only Ryan’s scene comes close to being empowering as she masturbates solo with a dildo and is in control of her own fantasy. Since she talked about lesbian encounters quite a bit in her interview, I was expecting a girl-girl scene with her, but unfortunately this was not the case. This is the only solo scene in the film, and most of the sex is girl/boy with two girl/girl/boy scenes that are more about the girls giving the guys double blow-jobs than about the girls getting it on together. So if you are hoping for a bit of lesbian/queer action, you won’t see it in this film.

Joanna Angel and James Deen have a lot of chemistry in their scene together and the sex is hot, with Joanna squirting several times. Lexi Belle, Lexi Bardot and Tommy Pistol romp and bounce in a bouncy castle, which was a novel idea and could have been fun. However, the atmosphere is ruined by the distracting music which drowns out any sexy nuances and moans it may have had. The sex is pretty typical and apathetic. Avy Lee Roth is a rock-chickita groupie who claims to be the daughter of David Lee Roth. She gets it on with a long haired guy in leather pants, but neither performance is especially amazing. Riley Mason is super hot and has a pool table scene with Daniel. This scene would have been great if the music wasn’t again so distracting, as Daniel is always fun to watch and such a pro. James Deen has another quick vignette with Joanna and Lexi Bardot as they compete to see who will get to suck his cock, and that’s about it.

The final scene is between Lexi Bardot and James Deen again and says it is shot with Infrared in total darkness. I’m not sure why they say this, as Infrared is not red (as the scene is) but B&W and highlights heat, not color. Usually people’s eyes glow and you can see their veins under porcelain skin with Infrared photography. Also, you can see shadows everywhere in this scene, which leads me to believe that it was shot with lighting and not in a pitch black room at all, as in blackness there are no shadows. So, not sure what they were trying to pull here, except they thought it would be a cool special FX for an Altporn flick? They do use a wide angle or fisheye lens to distort the image somewhat, but it does nothing to enhance the scene which is again ruined by the music.

There are just too many things wrong with this film to list how they may have improved it. Certainly having some connection between the interviews and the sex scenes would have helped with continuity and a connection to the stars. A girl-girl scene would have been fabulous to include and there could have been way more focus on the girl’s pleasure than the typical blow-jobs and facials. Also, the music should have been integrated much better into the overall soundscape. Finally, I’m not sure how well the final rendering of the film was, as my DVD set has a lot of pixilation in it throughout it. The New Romantix is an ambitious project for a first-time filmmaker that ultimately does not deliver. It is just the same-old, same-old, marketed with an alt-porn aesthetic, but there is really nothing new or interesting about it. I do look forward to seeing Ryan Keely in more films, as she was The New Romantix one saving grace. Hopefully, Max Royale will have a chance to redeem himself with future attempts.

The film stars Mandy Morbid and her real life partner Zak Sabbath. Mandy started off as a Suicide Girl under the alias Adria and transitioned into porn with her first non-sex role as a chorus girl in Bullets & Burlesque (2007), also directed by Profane. Since then she has appeared in two other porns doing sex scenes including Shades of Romona (2008) and Young Hollywood (2008).

In Hospital, Mandy plays Lucy, a punk chick who is admitted against her will into a creepy mental hospital where she is to undergo archaic treatments for her sexual deviancy. The film oscillates between the asylum and flashbacks of her life.

Hospital begins with a prelude with Lucy sucking a very huge cock (or at least it appears to be so with the morphed camera lens and stark spotlight halo that illuminates only her and said cock, with the background in blackness). A distorted electronic voice-over of a woman commences chronicling Lucy’s aberrant psychosexual behavior that is symptomatic “in its repetitive nature and inevitability”. She then awakes to find herself on a hospital gurney.

Lucy wanders the long, ill-lit halls and soon finds herself a voyeur to a naughty nurse scene between Caroline Pierce and Sochee Mala. Both girls have piercings and tattoos, but are not what I would describe as nonconformist or alternative. The performances lack enthusiasm using the typical type of girl-girl action: pussy licking, fingering and a strap-on. The scene ends, then Lucy undergoes a flashback.

Lucy and her boyfriend (Zak Sabbath) go to celebrate scoring some cash after a con-job on Kimberly Kane. This scene is hot as the couple fuck like pros and Mandy’s voluptuous body bounces with enthusiasm. Zak sports a wicked tattoo on the side of his head that was attacked by a zealous barber. The scene ends with a tit-fuck and then Jak pours candy hearts on Mandy’s sticky naked hot-bod. At one point during the scene there is happy Doris Day style music playing as they kiss and embrace in a mockery of “family values” ideology and the sweetheart candies are perhaps evocative of this.

Back at the hospital, Lucy is cuffed to the shower by one of the nurses and symbolically purified with a water torture treatment.

The scene then flashes back again as Mandy passes Marie McCray (both wearing identical Asian-styled dresses) in a stairwell where they pull a switcheroo and exchanges wigs. Marie then enters a room in an abandoned warehouse where Daniel is playing a video game. Marie removes her wig to reveal her strawberry blond pigtails and begins to seduce Daniel. There is nothing alternative about Marie, except for her striped stockings and funky shoes, but she is a pretty sweet. Daniel is a great performer and he has amazing stamina. He is genuinely passionate through-out his performance and seems to inspire the same in his co-star. I love the way he man-handles Marie with playful choking and spanking. The scene is shot from several great angles including high above which gives you a strange voyeuristic bird’s eye view of the action. Several times during the scene, it cuts back to the two nurses who are monitoring the action and taking notes.

The scene ends and we cut back to Lucy who has a strange spiked helmet on her head. She awaits her impending therapy, in which Dr. Profane intends to cut a hole in her skull to drain excess the blood. His attempt is halted by a pencil to the skull after Lucy untangles herself from white bandage bondage. She is rescued by Zak and Coco Velvett who speed her off to the nearest sleazy hotel and a fairly hot girl-girl-boy scene ensues.

Hospital is a good attempt at something different within the alt-porn genre. It is stylish with a good use of camerawork and sound elements. Profane doesn’t overuse “avant-garde” aesthetics like distressed film look, jump-cuts, white-outs, or excessive editing techniques that are typical of Eon McKai. On the other hand, it is not as “dark, squalid, and ominous” as I had hoped and there are many missed opportunities within the medical fetish genre that could have been utilized. No straight-jackets or medical paraphernalia to make for the atmospheric mis-en-scene I was hoping for. I was expecting dark and creepy, like Chad Michael Ward’s Pain Box series sexed up, but instead got Profane’s whacky alter-world with fairly standard porn. Mandy Morbid and Zak are hot, and Daniel is super-fantastic. This is a fairly decent art-porn and more significant (IMHO) than the Psychocandy series.

Director: Benny Profane
Cast: Mandy Morbid, Zak Sabbath, Caroline Pierce, Sochee Mala, Kimberly Kane (Non-sex), Daniel, Marie McCray, Coco Velvett, Benny Profane (Non-sex).

• Two discs in this version, with pretty cool packaging and artwork. Clearly this is not a Vivid or VCA release.
• Opening is actually kinda moody and effective; not showing chicks in scenes when their names pop up. Nice jazzy little number.
• When action starts, seems to be taking a kinda traditional POV porn approach, but with a lot of messing with the speed and film grain effects. I’m not sure I’m totally feeling it… I like the POV thing because it’s a bit easier to suspend disbelief, and the strong stylized look is working against that.
• Boy I hate this frame-dropping look. Slow and sensual is one thing… this interferes with me seeing the action
• The dude looks like the guys I see at BW3 on Sundays during football season. I guess if you think Nickleback is “alternative…”
• Is this supposed to be 16:9 or 4:3? I can’t actually tell. I think it’s 16:9, but the res seems kinda low. Her heels look super pixelated. Source material might not be that hot.
• Sped up movement is also not really cool — I don’t get off on watching movies on fast-forward, ya know?
• Did the girl come in the first scene? The guy sure didn’t. I think we’re on another scene now, which seems to involve two chicks (Riley Mason is one of them) on a kinda cool couch in an old HS nurses’ office.

• The music is good. Whoever handled those aspects did a good job. It gives a pleasingly atonal, avant-garde vibe to the proceedings. I find it impossible to masturbate to, but it’s cool. It’s something you’d probably play while fucking your sister in a David Lynch movie.
• A lot more variety in scenes and shots in this section. I like it. Right now it’s kinda what you hoped Beyond The Valley of the Dolls would be, except without the hippie jive. The two actresses seem to be pretty into it. And then the scene ends without either having an orgasm.
• I just realized, I don’t think the dudes got any credits in the opening.

• They seem to be lighting this current scene, a MMM+F orgy in front of a stag film, with flashlights.
• I do kinda wish they weren’t just doing standard porn moves (loogies on the cock? who does this?), or at least mixing it up a little. I think that’s a lot of what contributes to the notion that most of the “alt” films that are being released are just the usual porn stuff with extra tattoos and bad lighting. At least Jackthezipper is taking some chances film-wise here, with really bad lighting (okay, that was mean — it’s clearly an artistic choice on his part) and a shooting/editing style that would get him fired from most porn shoots.
• Okay, this bit where the music has shifted to a sorta Asian-influenced dark ambient hip-hop and the actress (now I kinda wish they’d shown scenes of the chicks during the credits, because I don’t know who everybody is) is on her knees surrounded by cocks is pretty good. It loses something when moving back into real time motion, but the slowed down, blurry look that was going on at first gave a very interesting perspective on the action. Not judgmental, but sort of a removed observer. It’s a genuinely interesting, even moving shot.
• There’s very little dialogue in the scenes so far. Not just script dialogue, but moaning, dirty talk, etc — it’s almost entirely absent. This is a big reason I personally don’t find the flick all that arousing.
• Hey, somebody just shot a load! And on the second one, there’s a cool freeze right as the guy starts to shoot. It’s interesting stuff, although it doesn’t work as well on this relatively low-res source as there’s a lot of aliasing on the jizz. I can’t believe I just typed that.
• New scene, and this is by far the hottest chick we’ve seen (Jade Starr?). Groovy rockabilly gothy look and smooth-ass go-go dance moves while she fingers herself. Hey, she just grew a strap-on… and a chick (Brea Bennett?) to blow her! This kinda feels like a Rob Zombie-shot porn flick (the music really adds to that vibe).

• Chick 2 is biting the strap-on. Please don’t. Still, the horizontal stripes on the dildo are awesome, and go with the first girl’s stockings. Or at least one of her stockings. Is there some rule in altporn movies where people can’t find matching stockings?
• I hope those tears on rockabilly goth chick’s cheek aren’t tattoos. Maybe she did time.
• I’m sorta surprised that more hasn’t happened with these two chicks yet, since the second was blowing the first. Since then it’s mostly been kinda making out and touching.
• Okay, now the music got all tuff and the g2g fucking action kicked into gear. This is actually kind of a good music video. The band should just release this, especially where the second chick is getting choked.
• Oh fuck, there’s a clown in this new scene.
• Now he’s at a strip club. And he gets to jerk off! God dammit, where is this strip club, and do I have to dress like a clown to do that? This is pretty funny, and kinda hot.
• Oh man, more framedropping. And it just did that 16-screens-in-one effect. Somebody is playing too much with his Video Toaster presets.
• Now we’re in the champagne room, and it appears there is sex. The chick also has the biggest fake eyelashes ever, plus they’re white. It’s kinda weird. Wow, and this dude is really muscly. Did somebody hire Randy White for this shoot?
• “Fuck me, you fucking clown!” Classic.
• This new scene kinda feels like Pi with the grainy black and white look. Couple dudes in their Dickies getting blown in an old elevator.
• Okay, a few minutes of that, and now they’re in a totally different room with a different chick. She’s sporting a Daryl Hannah from Blade Runner makeup job, but does a lot more cocksucking than DH did (on camera, at least). It does look like it might be the same dudes, but I can’t really tell. Frankly, the dudes matter not in this, even less than most mainstream porns. I dunno if that’s good or bad or neither.
• Hey, we’re back to the elevator. that thing has a lot of room, because the chick is riding one dude while blowing the other.
• Ooh, nice shot from of her in Chinese fingercuffs while the elevator descends.
• Okay, new scene, back to the couch in the high school from earlier, but one chick and one dude watching each other masturbate. This is hot, and doesn’t happen enough in porn. She gets to licking his balls while he strokes it. And now I think they might fuck, although he’s having trouble getting it in at an angle good for the camera, it seems. Music is almost gone, so there’s “dialogue,” but it’s very quiet. I wish it were not this quiet. We need some boom mics, people.
• Hey, the guy got to cum. On her face. Oh well.

• Clown again. This guy is the best part of this movie. And hey, it’s Joanna Angel! He just spit on her! Awesome.
• Does anyone reading this slap a girl’s tits while getting it on with her? I’ve never seen this myself, but it’s happened repeatedly in this movie.
• The clown is totally stealing the scene from Joanna, which is pretty impressive. This guy needs to have a whole movie dedicated to his life.
• Chick from the first scene is back now in a new scene, where she fucks a couple guys, once of which I just realized looks like Jason Newsted. The scene is fairly hot, actually, although it’s also less “arty” than the others.

On to disc 2…

• The outtakes seem to mostly be extended sequences of the chicks dancing around and touching themselves, as well as some more fun with the clown dude.
• Now I’m watching the making of bit. The dialogue is still way too fucking quiet. If you need some help compressing and boosting that shit, Jack, let a brother know. But it’s kinda interesting stuff, although I wish there were a lot more interviews and less cinematographic moments. I also wish it actually talked about the filmmaking process more; most of the interviews are about the actors themselves. That’s not a terrible thing, but I’d like to know more about the creative process.
• I kinda wish I hadn’t seen the chick from the elevator scene interviewed. Sometimes it’s better to see the performers perform, not talk about… well, anything.

It seems as if this was filmed so that it could easily be edited, cutting out any shots of actual penetration, to air on something like The Spice Channel. There are a plethora of far shots, and obtuse angles used, such as close-ups on seemingly random objects, and other weird directing decisions, including varying the playback speed so that the actors seem to be moving like The Flash in at least one scene. It’s lame. I had hoped for much better camera work (then again, I always do), but the real surprise is the almost uniformly horrible lighting. It’s extremely harsh in most scenes, leaving the actors completely washed out. Good lighting isn’t all that tricky. The insane part is that sometimes the video quality is very high and this can, at times, look very slick and well made. Just not during the sex scenes. You know the most important parts of a porno…

The fucking itself would have to be spectacular to overcome the poor cinematography and lighting, but it’s simply not. I had a picosecond of hope during the first scene where the guy seems to actually care about what he’s doing and allows himself to get into it long enough to playfully pull his partner’s hair a little. She does not react well, so he immediately stops and things go right back to them both being nearly silent and acting more or less as if they’re running out the clock on their scene. In another scene there is a few seconds of anal action, but it’s filmed 1992 style, with only an extreme close up for the (very short) duration, so I think that a “stunt butt,” or even stock footage, may have been employed. The same footage seems to be looped in again later that scene. The director was likely forced into using this trick because the guy seems to have a real problem keeping his erection (as do most of the guys in the movie), which kinda of seems like a prerequisite for a porno actor.

The scene with the black guy is, not surprisingly, the best one. He at least seems like he’s having a good time, as does the gal he’s boning. But even that isn’t exactly spectacular.

Just for fun, I watched the included trailers, and ended up wishing that I’d been assigned any of the other films.

If all you want is to see several ultra-hot naked “Punk” chicks (and who doesn’t?!), this might be enough. Providing that you can ignore the other 99% of what’s going on.

What’s that you say? You watch porn for the sex?! You want to look at hot girls fucking in interesting ways, and maybe just relax for ten minutes and jerk off all over yourself? Yeah, me too! Unfortunately I guess that no one told Joanna Angel, the director and star of this movie, because she has some very strange ideas about what should be included in an adult movie. And how to film one. The sex here, what there is of it, is lifeless and dull, and the cinematography and lighting are fairly terrible and often utterly counterproductive and frustrating. If there is one thing that a porno should not be, it’s frustrating.

This disc starts off with several ads that cannot be skipped past, rather than going directly to the main menu. I really hate that, because it shows a clear lack of understanding the wants and needs of the viewer. After watching the entire disc, I now understand why this was done: Either Joanna Angel has no idea what anyone wants out of a porn movie, or I am not in her imaginary target audience of girls who shop at Hot Topic and consider that to be the most extreme hardcore Punk statement humanly possible. Those girls do exist, of course, but they don’t watch porn because they’re all too busy actually fucking!

After finally starting the actual movie, I discover, much to my horror, that this porno has a plot! Much like a Japanese giant monster movie, porn should be all action! No plot is necessary or wanted. It only gets in the way. And as I waited for the sex to start, I noticed the soundtrack: a poppy Rancid song. This is indicative of the entire delusional nature of this film. It wants desperately to be “alternative” but somehow respectable, and perhaps “safe,” at the same time, and ends up being just as mainstream, if not moreso, than anything Vivid, for example, has ever released. Thankfully without the condoms, at least.

Eight minutes in and the first sex scene finally starts. I had hoped that “alt.porn” would mean more than just how the girls are dressed, what color their hair is, and how many tattoos they have — not that any of them, other than Kylee Kross, even have any more than the average porn star. I didn’t think that this would be Hellfire Sex, but I assumed that it would have a less-mainstream (for porn, I mean) attitude than this, if nothing else.

The women here here are all mind-numbingly hot. Let me at least give that one compliment. Pixie Pearl is nearly enough to make my eyes catch fire and my brain melt down. She’s absolutely the hottest girl on the disc, and it’s kind of funny to see her rosary dangling down while she’s getting softly plowed and trying not to look too bored with it all. It should be noted that the sex is never the best or most interesting parts of this film, and is often shot from more or less the women’s POV. Perhaps some women watch porn, and I love all of you who do and want you to come over so we can watch together, but let’s face reality, it’s going to be mostly guys watching this, trying their best to rub one out, so give us a break with the horrible cinematography.

In another insane scene Joanna is dancing to some unimaginably shitty pop/boy-band song, I guess, and her preppy, jock, douchebag boyfriend shows up to dump her for being — and I quote — “too alt.” Holy hell, that’s the lamest thing I’ve heard all year. And rather than tell him to go fuck that skank from the Black Eyed Peas, and being happy that such an idiot is gone, she starts crying. Who the fuck is the target audience of this video? Maybe it really is for mallcore girls? Not a bad idea! Any such gals (or any others, 18 and up, please) who want to make a far better porn than this one, simply email me at Darkseid@altporn.net. At least I’d have good lighting.

Unlike the other actresses, Joanna Angel tries to make her own poorly-lit, badly-filmed sex scenes somewhat energetic, but the standard positions and her wild overacting almost always make things more funny than hot. And no amount of screaming or flailing her head around in hilarious ways seems to be able to conquer the boring, am-I-doing-this-right? kind of vibe that permeates every second of the movie.

This DVD has an audio commentary track, and I find that conceptually repulsive in this context, and thus refuse to listen to it. There is also some bonus “behind the scenes” making-of footage as well as outtakes from the car/bike chase scene (yes, there really is one, and it’s as lame as it is lengthy). You see, these people think that this is a mainstream action film that just happens to have sex in it. As if anyone would want to see such a half-assed creation. They seem to be playing at being deviant while still trying very hard to not venture out of the mainstream except in the most acceptable and accessible ways possible.

Alter Ego, the new film from Carlos Batts, is very, very much in the artsy erotica camp; properly emphasized, the ARTSY erotica camp. AE is a carnival of sensuality and skin and bent gender in slow motion, reminiscent of David Lynch and, less frequently, Andy Warhol.

AE is Carlos Batts’ tribute to April Flores/Fatty D, the voluptuous erotic performer and “super muse” who slides effortlessly between phat azz lowrider chica, living porcelain doll, and deadly stitched-up horror vixen. Batts’ moody, ethereal imagery captures a wide-ranging series of Flores’ erotic experiences, some of them sexy, some of them disturbing. Slow-paced and set to a stew of electro and hip-hop, it’s the kind of thing you watch in a quiet room at 2am when no one’s awake.

The altporn scene is just taking off in the mainstream adult industry, and it’s likely that we’re going to get a lot more punk/goth porn vids on the market. I’m not complaining, because I dig watching punk rawk girls get it on bigtime, but films like Alter Ego are important contrasts to easier-to-swallow porn. We need works like this to remind ourselves of the wide-ranging possibilities of erotic art.

• Buy Alter Ego
• Carlos Batts
• April Flores

Set in a lavish hillside home, HoA’s premise is to gather several porn stars together, let them hang out, and let them decide with whom/where/when they want to “work.” Interspersed with the sex scenes are several interviews with the performers, talking about their sex lives, the industry, and the like. It’s an interesting approach, and is quite a bit more revealing and intimate than any mainstream porn I’ve encountered.

The movie starts out with a casual conversation about sex and attraction between the cast members. This segues into an introduction of Joanna Angel and her session with Scott Nails. Joanna talks a little about a high school crush she had, and how Scott reminds her of this dude. She then gets herself worked up by cleaning the tub, a curious but convenient fetish. She and Scott proceed to get busy in a tub, doing what Joanna presumably wished she could have done with her HS boy, but never got the chance. Quite enthusiastic, these two kids.

Next up is an hot girl-on-girl session with Sarah Blake and Justine Joli. They first hand select an arsenal of toys and then its off to the terrace for a good time on the futon mattress. Sarah and Justine giggled a lot at first (nerves, perhaps?). But soon that either ceased, or the action got so yummy that I just forgot about it. This is a must see just for the tuning fork dildo. Ding!

Then came Mr. Marcus and Keaani Lei. The expected good times go down, but Keaani is surprisingly open and affectionate in her confessional segment afterwards, calling it “magical.”

Marcus and Joanna Angel get together next, apparently for Joanna’s first scene with an african-american. It’s always struck me as deeply lame that interracial coupling is essentially a fetish in mainstream porn, and Joanna’s comments during the preceding interview caused a bit of controvery: “Does it make me racist if I let a white stranger come all over my face but not a black one?” Well… the line between preference and racism may not be as clear as we’d like, and if Joanna’s confuzzled about this one, it’s not surprising that much of the industry is racially ass-backwards.

Then it’s on to the girl-on-girl-on-girl-on-girl action. This orgyriffic Female Fantastic Four get groovy with lots of licking, sucking, biting, smacking, moaning, grunting, fingering, gasping, hugging, giggling, and spreading. Lots of toys and lube; great girl-girl action.

House of Ass is all in all a great flick, with plenty of great looking women, strapping young lads, and intriguing insights into their personalities. If I have a complaint, it’s that I would have loved to have seen more of producer/director Tristan Taormino. She was 2nd hottest woman (in my opinon) in the film, and it would have beeen great to see her getting more involved in the action (although the concept of the film probably preclulded this). Alas, I’ll have to seek out more of her work to see her in action.

Buy Tristan Taormino’s House of Ass at Adam and Eve »

Serafina and Zoe’s scene was probably my favorite, because both girls had a cute college-girl look, so it was easy to imagine them as a couple 21-year-old english majors fooling around in their dorm room (and, hell, maybe they are ;). There’s genuine affection displayed by the couple, which is just so refreshing.

Nikki and Zille’s scene was the one I anticipated the most, as I’m familiar with both models, and there’s just something a little different (and fun) about watching someone you know get in on. It helps when they’re both gorgeous and obviously very much enjoying each other’s company. The girls take turns at giving each other enthusiastic orgasms with their tongues and fingers, and finishing the scene kissing and cuddling in each other’s arms.

The scene with Zille and Serafina is a bit older (shot in 2002), and a has slightly different feel than they other two — a bit more of a “fantasy” piece, with silk robes and more extravagant decor. The camera work is a little funkier too, with a few zoom-ins that don’t really work. It’s still a very sexy scene though, including Zille fucking Serafina with a big black strap-on, and some fun with latex gloves. Zille looks elegant with black hair and lingerie contrasting her smooth, pale skin. Serafina ain’t chopped liver either, and her innocent good looks play against Zille’s more vampish sensuality very nicely.

Sappho’s Girls Vol. 1 is a fairly utilitarian name, and the packaging isn’t fancy either. The DVD menus are fairly simple, and the camerawork is passable, but nothing to write home about. But there’s no doubt about the content: real lesbians having the kind of sex they enjoy, on camera so we can all enjoy it.

More info »

Best $25 you will ever spend on a porno.

Length: 100 minutes
Features:

• Audio Commentary
• Photo Gallery
• Star Biographies
• Interactive Cast Menu
• Trailers
• Behind The Scenes

Download Trailer

Purchase

– Killshot@altporn.net