It seems as if this was filmed so that it could easily be edited, cutting out any shots of actual penetration, to air on something like The Spice Channel. There are a plethora of far shots, and obtuse angles used, such as close-ups on seemingly random objects, and other weird directing decisions, including varying the playback speed so that the actors seem to be moving like The Flash in at least one scene. It’s lame. I had hoped for much better camera work (then again, I always do), but the real surprise is the almost uniformly horrible lighting. It’s extremely harsh in most scenes, leaving the actors completely washed out. Good lighting isn’t all that tricky. The insane part is that sometimes the video quality is very high and this can, at times, look very slick and well made. Just not during the sex scenes. You know the most important parts of a porno…

The fucking itself would have to be spectacular to overcome the poor cinematography and lighting, but it’s simply not. I had a picosecond of hope during the first scene where the guy seems to actually care about what he’s doing and allows himself to get into it long enough to playfully pull his partner’s hair a little. She does not react well, so he immediately stops and things go right back to them both being nearly silent and acting more or less as if they’re running out the clock on their scene. In another scene there is a few seconds of anal action, but it’s filmed 1992 style, with only an extreme close up for the (very short) duration, so I think that a “stunt butt,” or even stock footage, may have been employed. The same footage seems to be looped in again later that scene. The director was likely forced into using this trick because the guy seems to have a real problem keeping his erection (as do most of the guys in the movie), which kinda of seems like a prerequisite for a porno actor.

The scene with the black guy is, not surprisingly, the best one. He at least seems like he’s having a good time, as does the gal he’s boning. But even that isn’t exactly spectacular.

Just for fun, I watched the included trailers, and ended up wishing that I’d been assigned any of the other films.

If all you want is to see several ultra-hot naked “Punk” chicks (and who doesn’t?!), this might be enough. Providing that you can ignore the other 99% of what’s going on.

What’s that you say? You watch porn for the sex?! You want to look at hot girls fucking in interesting ways, and maybe just relax for ten minutes and jerk off all over yourself? Yeah, me too! Unfortunately I guess that no one told Joanna Angel, the director and star of this movie, because she has some very strange ideas about what should be included in an adult movie. And how to film one. The sex here, what there is of it, is lifeless and dull, and the cinematography and lighting are fairly terrible and often utterly counterproductive and frustrating. If there is one thing that a porno should not be, it’s frustrating.

This disc starts off with several ads that cannot be skipped past, rather than going directly to the main menu. I really hate that, because it shows a clear lack of understanding the wants and needs of the viewer. After watching the entire disc, I now understand why this was done: Either Joanna Angel has no idea what anyone wants out of a porn movie, or I am not in her imaginary target audience of girls who shop at Hot Topic and consider that to be the most extreme hardcore Punk statement humanly possible. Those girls do exist, of course, but they don’t watch porn because they’re all too busy actually fucking!

After finally starting the actual movie, I discover, much to my horror, that this porno has a plot! Much like a Japanese giant monster movie, porn should be all action! No plot is necessary or wanted. It only gets in the way. And as I waited for the sex to start, I noticed the soundtrack: a poppy Rancid song. This is indicative of the entire delusional nature of this film. It wants desperately to be “alternative” but somehow respectable, and perhaps “safe,” at the same time, and ends up being just as mainstream, if not moreso, than anything Vivid, for example, has ever released. Thankfully without the condoms, at least.

Eight minutes in and the first sex scene finally starts. I had hoped that “alt.porn” would mean more than just how the girls are dressed, what color their hair is, and how many tattoos they have — not that any of them, other than Kylee Kross, even have any more than the average porn star. I didn’t think that this would be Hellfire Sex, but I assumed that it would have a less-mainstream (for porn, I mean) attitude than this, if nothing else.

The women here here are all mind-numbingly hot. Let me at least give that one compliment. Pixie Pearl is nearly enough to make my eyes catch fire and my brain melt down. She’s absolutely the hottest girl on the disc, and it’s kind of funny to see her rosary dangling down while she’s getting softly plowed and trying not to look too bored with it all. It should be noted that the sex is never the best or most interesting parts of this film, and is often shot from more or less the women’s POV. Perhaps some women watch porn, and I love all of you who do and want you to come over so we can watch together, but let’s face reality, it’s going to be mostly guys watching this, trying their best to rub one out, so give us a break with the horrible cinematography.

In another insane scene Joanna is dancing to some unimaginably shitty pop/boy-band song, I guess, and her preppy, jock, douchebag boyfriend shows up to dump her for being — and I quote — “too alt.” Holy hell, that’s the lamest thing I’ve heard all year. And rather than tell him to go fuck that skank from the Black Eyed Peas, and being happy that such an idiot is gone, she starts crying. Who the fuck is the target audience of this video? Maybe it really is for mallcore girls? Not a bad idea! Any such gals (or any others, 18 and up, please) who want to make a far better porn than this one, simply email me at Darkseid@altporn.net. At least I’d have good lighting.

Unlike the other actresses, Joanna Angel tries to make her own poorly-lit, badly-filmed sex scenes somewhat energetic, but the standard positions and her wild overacting almost always make things more funny than hot. And no amount of screaming or flailing her head around in hilarious ways seems to be able to conquer the boring, am-I-doing-this-right? kind of vibe that permeates every second of the movie.

This DVD has an audio commentary track, and I find that conceptually repulsive in this context, and thus refuse to listen to it. There is also some bonus “behind the scenes” making-of footage as well as outtakes from the car/bike chase scene (yes, there really is one, and it’s as lame as it is lengthy). You see, these people think that this is a mainstream action film that just happens to have sex in it. As if anyone would want to see such a half-assed creation. They seem to be playing at being deviant while still trying very hard to not venture out of the mainstream except in the most acceptable and accessible ways possible.

CyberDyke writes:

Sappho’s GirlsCyber-Dyke–porn for women, by women!
Click here for the Cyber-Dyke Pic O’ The Day!

Burning Angel writes:

Check out this brand new video with our adorable newbie starlet, Morgan Mae. Yipeeeee! Yeeeehaw! Woooooohooo!

“When reality’s a dream and every lie is true
In the day when you are me and the night when I am you”

RazorDolls writes:

If you missed the video of Serene Dream last week, shame on you. however, you can make up for it, while checking out her equally hot photos taken minutes before hand! Of course afterwords you can watch her video anyways

Burning Angel writes:

If you would like to watch Adahlia and Kylee get it on, the please raise your hand.
I’m going to wave my magic wand and make this happen one of these days.

Nerdpr0n writes:

This set is a follow-up to the binary set I did with a projector. I pulled up a screen saver with a variety of errors from several OSes and turned myself into the best error messages you’ve ever seen ;)…

Burning Angel writes:

Sometimes I don’t know if I want to look at Sinead naked, or take her to the park. I guess… I would like to take her to the park naked. That might be the best option.

RazorDolls writes:

Looks like were at it again! That First Part of the Orgy wasnt enough! The fans demanded more! So we gave it to them! Come check out what happens when 2 cocks get unleased on 5 horny girls in a secluded hotel room in hollywood. Behold the Majesty that can only be found on Razordolls.com!

Welcome… Assassin of light

InkyGirls writes:

When the sun goes down, the streets of InkyVille can get a little rough. Don’t fret – Friday’s armed and dangerous, and puts the ‘ass’ back in assassin so you can go about your business.

CyberDyke writes:

Thank you for supporting Sappho’s Girls and Cyber-Dyke–porn for women, by women!

RazorDolls writes:

Serene Dream is relatively a new cummer to the alt porn arena. However it is a given after watching her performance in this hot solo scene, that she will not just fade away. Come check out serene dream only at Razordolls.com!

Burning Angel writes:

Isn’t there a song about polka-dot bikini’s? How does it go again? I can’t remember. Just go check Kylee out, because… well… she’s Kylee.

NoFauxxx writes:

Please welcome Milo to NoFauxxx! She’s a fierce little lady: cute, smart, and undeniably sexxxy.

Nerdpr0n writes:

Here I am, a studious and intrepid librarian going over artifacts when all of a sudden I am overtaken… here’s hoping this set doesn’t awaken Cthulhu! only at my site :)…

Burning Angel writes:

She can burp, she can drink you under the table, she’s there for you when you need someone, AND she likes all the same movies that I do. In my book, that means she’s pretty rad. Check her out!

CyberDyke writes:

Sappho’s GirlsCyber-Dyke–porn for women, by women!
Click here for the Cyber-Dyke Pic O’ The Day!

Burning Angel writes:

After spending a few days with her I decided that everyone needs a little Kayla in their lives. She’s smart, she’s funny, she’s a total sweetheart, and she has extremely nice boobies. She’s a perfect package… don’t you agree?

SpookyBlog writes:

Nails is another one of those fun crazy raver party girls that love to shoot spontaneous public nudity sets and send them in for all the folks at EroticBPM to enjoy. And we certainly appreciate it. This dirty little series seems to have been shot in the decrepit concrete bathroom during a massive musicfest and it really looks like it would be super fun to be there with her.

RazorDolls writes:

Felon is probably one of the easiest, coolest to work with girls in all the world. She is completely down for anything and does what ever you tell her to do. Check out this set shot before the start of production for the new Razordolls DVD, and make sure to stop by and share your love with Felon only on Razordolls.com!

Burning Angel writes:

She has a thing for Shakespeare and classic horror flicks, not to mention she’s got incredible lips (which, apparently, she really likes to use)! Give Rae a luscious welcome!!!

Nerdpr0n writes:

My girlfriend’s back for another set! This time I was the unruly patient complaining of hysterical systems and she was the naughty nurse with a very…unorthodox treatment! Actually it WAS very orthodox back in the Victorian ages but we’re past…

RazorDolls writes:

Ariel X is an amazingly hot Russian woman who just loves hot gooey cum dripped all over her body. She would walk around covered in it if it were socially acceptable. However some people think thats a little obscene, Just take a look at the new set by Jack The Zipper up on Razordolls.com! right now and you can judge for your self!