It is too bad Talk Like a Pirate Day falls on a weekend this year. I’m going to a pirate-themed party tonight, but most offline people do not celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day, so I have been missing my fill of pirate speak. It seems like most of my favorite sites didn’t do pirate updates for the occasion this year, even if they did when it fell on a weekday in previous years. Fortunately, I was able to dig back a little and find pirates from BlueBlood, BurningAngel, and GodsGirls. BlueBlood has pirate Lenka brandishing a musket and Lenka has a cute fuzzy real live monkey assistant. Not only is using a real monkey pretty brave, but getting pirates and monkeys in the same update is like some kind of internet double word score meme. BurningAngel has pirate Nova making use of James Deen while he is dead out fast asleep. There used to be a lot of sleep “attack” sites, but I hear a lot of them just got closed down because the credit card people have all apparently never been woken up for sex by anyone they dated and think it’s baaaaaaad. BurningAngel for the win for still having sleep sex and pirates. GodsGirls has pirate Julene brandishing a musket with a skull on her ass and gold coins fall from the sky. Enough said.

I know it’s not super ALT but this is the coolest porn production evar. The styling is amazing and it features some of our favorite proper porn stars like BellaDonna, Sasha Grey, Stoya, and a lot more. Set to be released this September, visionary director and DigitalPlayground founder Joone promises that Pirates II wll be much darker than the original and that they spared no expense in production. The original Pirates was the most expensive adult film ever produced and Pirates II is reported to have had a budget ten times larger. Much of the production costs going towards insane special effects, but by the looks of it, great costuming and cool locations were a high priority as well. Breaking with the traditionally cheesy halloweenish costuming the aduld industry is known for, the styling of the Pirates series, particularly what we’ve seen of the new one, has a compellingly realistic pirate feel which certainly helps maintain the blockbuster movie experience. Sasha Grey describes the special atmosphere that surrounded the production: “There was always sexual energy on set. My sex scene with Evan Stone and BellaDonna was amazing! We all wanted to [fuck]; we were all horny. It was what pornography should be—flawless and unforgiving in every sense! This was definitely an exhilarating, filthy sex scene from the three of us. It was definitely one of the best scenes of my career!” Check out the fun teaser here. Joone really pushes the envelope and is in our opinion one of the best influences the otherwise stagnant adult video industry could have. I want to see this at an IMAX though.

BlueBlood also sent out sexy Talk Like a Pirate Day greetings and what a treasure this one is. Getting to see more sexy Jen Vixen is always a treat. I love her beautiful tattoo work and that corset looks amazing on her too. They actually did a whole free gallery and news blog article in celebration. Check it out.

Arrrrrr! In the never ending battle between ninjas and pirates, I think we at APN are falling on the pirate side. After all, we really are colorful often drunken rebels in search of fine booty and implausible tales of adventure. So, we raise our tankards to Razordolls for bringing us more pictures of another of our favorite motley scallywags.

Ah, the age old question. It’s like dork Zen. Personally, I lean a bit toward the pirate side, but ultimately I think one should strive to be a true pirate ninja hybrid. Maybe that’s what Anna and Gala are trying to create together in this recent fun and comical Nerdpr0n update.

Why is it that whenever I look at Sali on BurningAngel, I hear Elvis Costello singing Watching the Detectives? She’s so cute… I just want to stay up all night watching TCM and eating cold pizza with her.

This set has the word “ninja” attached to it, but she clearly has pirate titties. I don’t get it.

Burning Angel writes:

No matter what Neon does, what she wears, where she moves to, or what color she dies her hair she manages to remain consistently smoking hot. In this ridiculous unpredictable chaotic life we live in, it’s nice to have something stable you can always count on.

Neon and your lovely boobs, thank you for balancing out the entropy in the universe.